Locked Tight
by Angeltsuki
Summary: Malory Archer, Lana Kane, and Cheryl Tunt are locked in the mainframe due to a toxin in the air that contaminated the drinks and food in the building. What do they do while they're locked up? One Shot.


"WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS!?", Lana screeched incensed at her latest situation. Upon walking into the mainframe, as ordered and followed by Malory, the door shut and locked behind her.

"Well Ms. Archer said that we had to stay in this stupid room until Mr. Archer came back from wherever and until then we weren't allowed to eat anything because of some toxin thingy in the air, or whatever, that could have poisoned the water and all the food in the building," Cheryl informed her irritated co-worker from her seat on the desk, her voice also sounding annoyed at their situation.

"Why wasn't I informed of this and why are we the only three people in here? Actually, no: Why would you have me locked in here instead of having me _work_ on this case?", Lana asked the ex-black op agent who was her boss.

"I don't know, but I haven't eaten anything but Groovy-Bears since yesterday," Cheryl said in place of Malory, finishing up sensually.

Their stomachs chose that time growl softly announcing that they were both malnourished. They rubbed their stomachs absentmindedly.

"I hope Mr. Archer gets here soon I'm so hungry, my empty groovy belly is saying: Feed me Cheryl, feed me, and here I am with _nothing_," she complained, emphasizing "nothing" menacingly.

"Well he better get here soon. I didn't eat before coming here so I'm pretty empty. So Archer better show up before I get any hungrier and it makes me do some ugly things," Lana grumped.

"Oh he will if he knows what's good for him. He knows I'm hungry. Why, I haven't eaten since this morning! My stomach is starting to get so empty I feel as though I've only had a martini with one olive," Malory insisted.

Cheryl's masochistic side perked up upon hearing Lana get grumpy though and leaned over edging closer to Lana, leering at her in a sexual manner since she enjoyed Lana's random bouts of violent tendencies.

"What kind of ugly things?" the auburn secretary asked the mocha skinned spy, her voice still lowered and slightly suggestive.

Malory glared at her idiotic yet pretty secretary who was ogling her spy and also being the opposite of subtle with that disgusting lustful look in her eye, couldn't she just wait until she wasn't around!? Although Cheryl's connections and masochistic tendencies have come in handy or been a benefit quite a few times, enough to keep her as an employee, that was not to mention her inheritance. Speaking of which, she hoped her son would hurry it up already, Doctor Kreiger had already made the antidote and all Sterling had to do was place it in the designated strategic places Kreiger had approved of.

Thinking of food made the ex-black ops' stomach growl, which was echoed by her employees' stomach growls. They all rubbed their midsections in weak attempts to convince themselves they were in fact _not_ hungry.

"Oooooh, I'm so hungry! My groovy tummy is just… so empty, it's like a cripple person's eyes when they watch you _walk_," Cheryl whined, her eyes squinted and glared at nothing in particular as her eyes began to fill with disgust at the mere thought of handicap people.

"Woah; calm down there, groovy girl! My stomach may not be… "groovy", but it's still pretty empty and that _does_ make me pretty hungry. Although I do _have_ to admit just thinking about not being _able_ to eat right now just makes me hungrier," Lana said calmly and confidently crossed her arms while shifting her weight to one hip and looking at the mentally unstable woman.

"Oh, of all the things- Sterling better hurry it up my stomach is only getting _emptier_ by the second. I'm starving and the ventilation in here is terrible! It's like standing in a sauna ran by poor people and the only way they can make steam is by _breathing_," Malory said with a slight groan in her undertone.

Lana's eyes widened in indignation as she was once again startled by her employers "Elitist" prejudice, "Hu-Wh- Malory! Are you suggesting we stop breathing just because it's getting hot in here!?"

"Well it's not like it'll get any colder now that it's already in the air. Besides I'm sure if one of you dropped dead from not breathing your body heat would just rise before it decided to get colder to make up for it," Malory replied while glaring accusingly at both of her employees also crossing her arms and shifting her stance to match Lana's.

"Well even if we did stop breathing, it wouldn't make Mr. Archer get here any faster. Whatever it is that Kreiger is making him do I'm sure Cyril is just whining as usual and complaining about his methods or morals or _whatever_ so we'll be here for like ever, like _always_," Cheryl piped in.

Malory and Lana looked at the auburn who was filing her nails with widened eyes at how candid she was being about Archer and the amount of time he took to complete his missions. What had shocked them though was that she was telling nothing but the truth, and that it probably would take him a while to finish thus making it a long wait until they were able to eat.

Their stomachs chose that moment to grumble their displeasure at being neglected. The midsections were once again only met with their owners rubbing them softly to make them stop making noises.

"Be that as it may, that just means we will be stuck in here until he finishes. Hopefully for Sterling _and_ Cyril's sake that is soon as I am not hungrier than before. My poor stomach has to suffer being empty _and_ my body has to suffer being in this stuffy room. Remind me have someone renovate the mainframe due to poor ventilation, it just may kill us all," Malory stated in a way that was typically her.

"I'll get right on that Malory, as _soon_ as your son finishes putting whatever it was that Krieger gave him to fix our current situation. In the meantime I'm going to sit here and begin to starve while my stomach continues to suffer from being emptier than your son's capacity for sensitivity," Lana quickly snipped at the older woman; her answer was met with a disapproving glare.

"You hush your mouth missy I can do without your sarcasm. Sterling will do what he has to even if it kills him. As I said he knows I'm hungry and the hungrier and emptier I get, the lower my blood sugar will be," Malory said to her second best spy.

Cheryl huffed, "That'll be foreveeeeeeer, and I'm hungry like now!" the auburn went on and threw her head back and arms back, "My stomach is so empty I don't know if it can handle all the groovy," she announced with her eyes raised to the ceiling filled with loathing at having to wait to eat.

Cheryl continued to glare at the ceiling and how stupid and unreasonable her boss was; always having her stay late, stay at the ISIS building, wait for Archer to finish whatever stupid mission he was on, waiting for him to return when he ran away, waiting for him to put the stupid things Kreiger made in whatever places so she could eat, it was all just so UNFAIR! It was exactly at that moment that Cheryl's anger bubbled so much that the Groovy Bear's effects took full hold of Cheryl and starting having a bad effect causing her to have a bad trip and start hallucinating; which had then turned the floor to look like angry moving gummy bears looking to get revenge for their fallen brethern.

"Nooooooo! They were different! Back off! Don't come any closer or else I'll eat you too! Groovy or not, I'll just get liposuction so I don't turn out to look like Pam," she said menacingly to the floor thus startling both Malory and Lana into looking at the wealthy heir as though she were more insane than normal.

"What on Earth are you talking about!?" Malory questioned her secretary with a demanding tone in her voice that meant business.

"How do you not see it!? THE GUMMY BEARS ARE LOOKING FOR REVENGE ON THEIR FALLEN BRETHERIN THE GROOVY BEARS! And if they don't leave me alone I'll just have to eat them all… oh wait… I can't eat them, you told me I can't. HOW ARE WE GONNA KILL THEM NOW!?" Cheryl screeched, obviously she was "tripping balls" as Woodhouse would say.

Their stomachs all growled loudly at the thought of eating anything, especially something as sweet as gummy bears. The women all rubbed their bellies groaning slightly at their misery of not being able to eat when they wanted to.

"I'm so f***ing hungry! How are we going to kill the gummy bears if we can't eat them!? I know they would fit in my belly since I'm empty enough to begin with," Cheryl screaming, continuing to having a bad trip that very obviously involved gummy bears that she loved.

"I have _no idea_ what you are talking about, but just hearing your idiotic babble about gummy bears is most certainly _not_ helping my- I mean our situation. I am positively starving now, and I'm sure I'm emptier than you… you hussy," Malory said snidely remarked, adding an insult at the end since it filled her with a form of pleasure.

Sadly accustomed to her fellow employees' outbursts she chose to ignore the woman who was clearly hallucinating from the effects of the Groovy bears she liked to indulge in, "Okay then, moving on, you're not the only ones hungry, in case you've forgotten, I did not eat breakfast. I am more than hungry at this point as it is noooow," she looked at her wristwatch, "2:46, and I and starting to feel how hollow my stomach is."

The two women went on to ignore their co-worker as though she was not hallucinating and staring at the floor in fear while pulling her legs up and sitting on the chair as she did when she had once thought the floor was lava, thankfully this time it seemed as though her clothes would stay on. The auburn continued to see the gummy bear people get angrier and angrier, calling forth their gummy bear army to come and attack her; Malory and Lana continued to be people for the time being, and hopefully would continue to stay human.

Lana took the time to lean on the desk next to the hallucinating woman to take some pressure off of her boot clad feet since she was doing nothing but standing, waiting for Archer to save them all from a toxin that could kill them if they were to eat or drink… which she hoped he would not mess up and accidentally kill them all; especially as it was Krieger's invention and he was never one hundred percent sure they would work, all they ever got was a "more or less, yeah", which was _never_ comforting, but usually worked out in the end.

Malory on the other hand just shifted her weight to her other hip, discreetly taking the weight off her own feet clad in high heels growing more irritated as the seconds ticked by that her son Sterling had not finished with this _simple_ mission, of which was the reason she had allowed Cyril to tag along on this one person mission. If she did find out that it was Cyril's fault with his silly morals and inept abilities that kept her from eating sooner than she would like, he would be receiving a pay deduction or something else equally unpleasant to make up for her unnecessary suffering.

Once again their bellies announced their disapproval at being neglected and not filled with even the tiniest scrap to appease them. The ISIS workers rubbed their midsections unconsciously this time as their hunger started to take form of an ache in their bellies.

Cheryl groaned, "I'm so hungry the gummy bear army might just win. My stomach is a void waiting for food to fill it, or _gummy bears_," her eyes glimmering with crazy.

Malory's only response to Cheryl talking was a glare full of negative judgment, "Would you shut up, you crazy hallucinating tart. If you think you're hungry, I'm just as hungry if not hungrier. And your void of a stomach is beneath the hole that is in mine," her words belittling the auburn who was currently a thorn in her side.

"Malory, would you stop turning how hungry we all are into a competition! We are all hungry, I myself am famished, the void in her stomach and the hole in yours is just as empty as the space in my stomach. Again, we are all hungry and you are only going to make it worse if you keep talking about it," Lana tried to reason with the seasoned and retired black-ops agent who ran ISIS.

Malory glared at Lana, her words made sense, but her old hippie beliefs and beliefs of equality often irritated her, and she would not bend to the will of her employee or lower her opinions of herself as she knew she was an Elitist and she was above her employees in that manner, although Cheryl was worth more, she had no access to her funds and thus was often not included as the young masochistic whore _worked_ for her. Besides she was pretty sure she was hungrier than the rest of those harlots who were residing in the same room as her, let alone breathing the same air and making it hotter than it out to be, which was why Pam was not allowed in the mainframe and working with the drones, not to mention she would probably eat something anyways with Kreiger's help… right under her nose too, those ingrates.

She refused to acknowledge that Lana may be right in this instance and huffed shrilly "No. I will not since it's _true_", at the mocha colored woman stunning her for a moment, during that moment there was a small silence and her mind started to drift and she could soon only think of a nice dinner she once had with Burt Reynolds; red wine for them both, roasted lamb well marinated in rosemary, and a side of vegetables covered in a lovely garlic butter that tasted simply divine, even the mere memory of it tasted heavenly. The silver haired woman's mouth watered a bit as she moaned at the memory of a tasty meal she could be enjoying once more as _soon_ as her son finished doing his job.

Stomach growls erupted in the mainframe from the three women who resided inside of the green carpeted room. They women then proceeded to rub their bellies to ease the ache that was slowly settling in.

"I'm famished! What is taking Sterling so long!? This is worse than that time we were in Cheryl's carts on that train, only this time it's not a servant that refuses to bring me food, it's this damn toxin in the air! I just want to eat to fill this empty nothingness that is my stomach," Malory finished dramatically.

"Geeze I'm so starving I just wanna eat every single one of their heads to make my empty tummy pains go away," Cheryl said while eyeing the gummy bear army, each of them green and white making the perfect army to get revenge for their fallen groovy brothers and she would eat them one head at a time; in reality she was eyeing floor as though she were seriously considering eating the "gummy bear army's" heads one by one.

The young mentally disturbed Tunt's words slapped Lana back into the present and she groaned and dry sobbed her misery, "I just wanna e-eat and stop being hun-gry. I'm so hun-gry! My stomach is so e-mpty and I just want it to be d-o-o-one. I just want to eat! Why can't Archer ever do anything right when he's working with Cyril? It always takes twice, no FIVE times as long as it normally would if it were just me and h-i-i-m," she covered her face with her hands wallowing in her misfortune.

"Lana Kane! Would you get a hold of yourself!?" Malory yelled enunciating her name in syllables as she slapped her agent in the face hard enough to leave a red mark on her skin, earning an "Ow!" from the field agent, "If what you say is true then I may have made the mistake to make Sterling and Cyril work together on this particular mission, but as it was a one person mission I thought it would be perfect for Cyril to see what to do in these types of situations. It appears that I was wrong to hope it would be a good educating experience for him if it's taken this long already," she finished surly, showing her displeasure at the occurrences that were happening to a poor pairing choice for a mission.

"Why wouldn't you send me then? He works better under my tutelage!" Lana yelled at the silver haired woman, clearly upset she was not only NOT chosen for this mission but also that Malory would trust Archer over her for educating Cyril on how to be a good field agent instead of one that was just… lucky!

"Maybe it has to do with something about you and Cyril once being in a relationship and then being caught having sex in the building a few times which would only make Ms. Archer think that you and Cyril can't be alone together, especially on a mission that would jeopardize all of our lives if you'd be too busy doing it instead of working," Cheryl said nodding her head as though it were the simplest thing in the world; it was as though she were done hallucinating, but really only being able to have a few moments of clarity before the hallucinations of the gummy bears started back up again.

Lana's rage at the auburn's words took hold of her before she thought her actions through and slapped the woman harshly in the face, throwing her head to the side, messing up her hair, and making her cry out in pain; the reaction was one that was now most typical of her, "You got another one in you?" while looking at Lana sensually as though trying to seduce her into hitting her more. Malory rolled her eyes at her secretary's antics and slapped her face hitting the other cheek turning it bright red, hoping to slap some sense into the woman, and if not then at least bruise her enough that she would stop talking; which only earned her a shudder of pleasure from the young auburn.

Even through her painful pleasure Cheryl's belly grumbled and was echoed by Malory's and Lana's bellies. They all rubbed their midsections a bit harder than before hoping to knead out the hunger aches that had settled in.

Cheryl moaned, "I'm so hungry it feels like there are gross train dwarves mining in my stomach. I'm so empty I bet those gross train dwarves don't get anything, especially a scrap left over from the groovy bears. Those damn gummy bears sent assassins!"

Lana eyed the masochistic woman as though evaluating how sane she was at the moment, "Ooookay. Well I'm so hungry I'm starting to feel like a vegetarian when they first start out and don't know what to eat. I'm emptier than a vegan in a meat factory," she groused.

Malory huffed at her two harlot employees, "Huh! Well I'm so hungry I feel as though I just may _die_. My stomach is so empty it feels like a beggar's change cup," her voice going up a pitch at the end.

The ex-black op field agent glared at the two women who were in her company as though it were their fault that her son Sterling Malory Archer had not finished his mission yet when the obvious signs had pointed out that Cyril Figgis was the main reason, if she did not eat soon she was not sure if the other two would get out of the room alive with how much they were irritating her just by breathing, let alone existing. It was obvious that her blood sugar was getting dangerously low as she was getting angrier and more easily agitated than normal and was sure to take it out on her employees if things did not go well soon enough.

Lana seemed to pick up Malory's change of mood and noticed that her blue eyes had taken on a dangerous glint becoming instantly alert and aware of the older woman's actions and slightly shifted further away from the ex-black ops agent, knowing full well that she would be able to move as well as she had back when she was not retired from the field. Cheryl however also picked up on it and leaned closer to the silver haired woman who was her boss, her cheeks glowing a bright red from being hit so hard by powerful women, hoping for more. However it was at that time that the "gummy bear army" had chosen to fill the air with their gummy bear scent.

The mainframe's occupants stomach's growled loudly announcing to all that their midsections were far from pleased from not being fed. The woman once again rubbed their stomachs more harshly than before with further hopes of kneading out their hunger or at least overriding it with pain.

"I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER! I'M SO HUNGRY I JUST WANNA RIP OFF THEIR HEADS AND EAT THEM TO FILL MY EMPTY BELLY AND SATIFY ITS DEMANDS TO EASE THE PAIN!" Cheryl yelled loudly now standing on the chair above the "gummy bear army" her face turning redder, the hand prints turning darker, and her eyes bulging a bit from the pressure.

"You shut your crazy whordiot mouth," Malory said glaring at the woman who was still suffering from a bad trip that only seemed to get worse as she got hungrier, "I'm so hungry I feel as though I'm dying right now. My stomach is positively starving and just may be eating itself right _now_."

"Malory please," Lana begged her employer, "I'm starving right now and I don't know when we'll be able to eat. My stomach feels like it's caving in on itself. Can we please leave this room?"

Malory glared at the mocha colored woman, "No. We will wait until Sterling has finished what he was set out to do. If you don't have faith that he can do it, then you may see yourself out of ISIS," her eyes promised misery to any who crossed or believed differently than her at the moment, her tolerance level lower than usual.

Lana gasped as her eyes widened in shock at how serious Malory was only now realizing that Archer was never joking or over exaggerating about how his mother behaved when her blood sugar was low let alone left without a drink and could only do the one thing she could to keep her job, "Of course I believe Archer can do it, I just think it's taking a little too long with all the fighting him and Cyril must be doing. We're all so hungry and we can't get any food until they finish and I just want us to be able to eat," trying to show meekness at her boss and strength in herself at the same time.

Malory's glare lessened although her eyes turned a little suspicious and Lana hoped it was not aimed at her but rather Cyril, since she felt he rightly deserved it. Malory was extremely hungry but she had hope in her son that he would both take care of this problem and take care of her at the same time, she was not disappointed for at that moment Sterling opened the door with his usual cockiness with Cyril following meekly behind him with a bruised eye and a bloody nose.

"Well mother, I did what you wanted me to do and as a bonus I brought you all some food _and_ wine that I had Woodhouse prepare, it's penne a la vodka and red wine, knowing that your blood sugar would be low and you guys just _have_ to be hungry. It would have been done sooner if Cyril didn't almost _kill_ us in the vents by pushing a button that turned on the fans that tried to turn us into sushi," he finished looking at Cyril with silent laughter and pleasure from telling his mother what dangers had happened on this simple mission due to Cyril's incompetence.

The women glared at Cyril for their added suffering and took the prepared warm meal from Archer before Cyril could say anything in his defense; finding plastic utensils and separate containers inside that allowed them to dig in and eat without regard of getting messy or propriety as they were literally all starving and uncaring enough they ate quickly, leaving saucy messes all over their faces, moans escaping their throats as they ate full heartedly and silently thanking Woodhouse for being such a wonderful cook and butler despite his terrible habits.


End file.
